What To Do When Your Old Friends Are Falling Behind

be-interestingHave you ever found that you’ve evolved into a better person and improved your life, and yet, you still have the same friends? Have you also found out that they haven’t evolved as much as you did?

If this is the case, then you probably feel that these guys are holding you back from evolving and succeeding even more in the future. You have probably even thought about getting rid of them.

Of course, no one wants to be lonely, so this is kind of a dilemma. In this article, I’ll share with you my insights on how I deal with this, and how I help others deal with it. Let’s jump right in…

Why “It’s Lonely at The Top” Is Dumb Advice

Yes, most RAH-RAH corporate A-types will tell you that it’s lonely at the top. But that’s just proves that they have no idea how to connect with people. Don’t let that dumb advice rule your life.

Somehow, you’re supposed to buy into this hype that if you want to be more successful, you’re supposed to go alone because apparently, it’s lonely at the top!

The reality is that most people who have succeeded accredit their success to hard work and the people they meet along the way. Most thank their mentors, their partners, their family, and most importantly, their friends.

The more successful you become, the more giving-people you’ll meet; they can see that you’re a resourceful person like them, so they’re attracted to you.

If success means you should be friendless, why are all those world-changers always surrounded with people that are helping them, supporting them, and connecting with them?

It’s only lonely at the top if you don’t know how to have better friends.

How To Quickly Make Better Friends, Without Falling Into Loneliness In The Process

Making friends used to take me a lot of time, and it felt like an upward hill. I’d make a few acquaintances, and find myself doing all the calls, and making all the plans.

When I started working, things got even harder as I no longer had time or energy to waste; that’s why I had to get creative and come up with lightning-fast techniques to meet new people and make friends. Here are some of the best…

Step #1 – Take The Wheel And Drive Your Social Life

You don’t have to ditch your old friends; you just have to look at your social life in a different way. I recommend that you take ownership and control over your social life, instead of leaving it to chance.

This means that you get conscious and curious about friendship and how it works; consciously make time, every week, for meeting new people, staying in touch, and hanging out with them.

Yes, it depends on a decision you’re going to make with yourself. You decide that from now on, you’re in charge!

The cool thing about this is that it’s never dull. Some of the people you meet will inspire you to new heights, make you confident, understood, and powerful.  Plus, you can get excited for how much fun and excitement (and adventures) you’ll have.

The old friends that don’t support you will fade away as your new social circle starts to form.

Step #2 – Make Time For A New Social Life, Here’s How…

A new social life consists of having a set of habits that will bring you the people that you want. These habits can be easily automated, which is great if you’re a busy person.

The first habit is to go meet new people every month. The way to do that is to join a local community that meets up once or twice every month. Try a few that you can find in meetup.com and decide on the one that has the kind of people you like. I’ll tell you how to automate this in the next section…

The second habit is to dedicate only one hour every week to reaching out to people. You can put it in your calendar; it can be something like every Wednesday, 7pm. Early in the week is better. Here, you contact all the important people, by phone, text, or else, just to stay in touch. It’s also critical because you have to follow up with the new people you meet.

The third habit is to decide what you’re going to do over the weekend, ahead of time. When it’s time to reach out to people, plan ahead and decide on what you want to do; suggest that plan to those you want to see. This is why it’s important that you contact people early enough in the week, when they haven’t already decided what to do on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

The fact that these things will always be marked in your calendar makes it inevitable that you’ll be managing your social life, even on busy weeks. If you use an electronic calendar, create “recurrent events” for these new habits.

Step #3 – The Fastest Way To Make Friends (Faster Than Light!)

Suppose you move to a new city where you have no friends, and you want to build your social circle. Maybe that’s how you feel right now if you want a completely new social circle, and yet have no one to introduce you to new people…

Here is how to do it.

It’s deceptively simple: Find a local community that you like, a community that meets up every month at least, and do this: join the organizing team!

Go to the guys and gals that run the whole thing and offer to help! Tell them that you love the community and that you’re ready to dedicate some time to helping them organize the events.

Most likely, they’ll be glad you asked and give you a minor role that doesn’t take up a lot of your time.

Here is what happens, the minute you become “one of the hosts” :

  • You get to meet all the members of the club/community
  • People come to meet YOU, because they see you as one of the centers of the whole thing
  • You become a generous person, a giver; that is exactly what attracts the best people to you
  • No procrastination! That’s right; if you don’t commit to the community, you’ll always have a million reasons why you can’t attend the events and meet new people. If you do commit, you say good-bye to procrastination.

More Tips

This stuff works,  even for the most desperate folks that I advise. I deeply think that you deserve a better social life; I’m convinced that once you have that, you’ll be able to express more of who you really are, and will enjoy life more than ever before!

I wish you lots of luck, and if you want to get more tips and tricks for overcoming shyness, holding interesting conversations, having the necessary social skills, meeting new people, and making friends, then I recommend that you join my Free Social Skills Newsletter (below).

In it, I’ll be sharing the best of my stuff, every couple of days.

See you there,
Paul Sanders

paul-sanders-headshotAbout the Author

Paul Sanders’ Get The Friends You Want shows you how to overcome social hesitation; learn critical social skills; hold great conversations; make friends and build a social circle. Start here: Free Social Skills Newsletter.

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"PS. Ever feel overwhelmed when trying to reach your goals? Watch my TEDx talk to learn how to stop slowly killing yourself while accomplishing more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M9i3-QhWzg&t=565s"
Posted on : 16, Jan 2014

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