I did an Ayahuasca Ceremony. What Happened Next Is Crazy.

On Friday night, I had one of the craziest, most fascinating nights of my life.

I took part in an Ayahuasca ceremony with a shaman from Colombia. If you don’t know what Ayahuasca is, it’s a sacred medicinal plant that’s been used for thousands of years to heal emotional traumas and facilitate spiritual growth.

I went into the experience with a specific intention… but I could never have predicted what would happen next…

My intention was to learn how to further let go of attachment so I can create more peacefully and powerfully…

But the medicine had an entirely different plan for me.

She helped me see something that’s so pervasive and so tragic… But so common that we don’t even notice it anymore.

What’s that you ask?

Well, through this experience I saw very clearly just how much we have been conditioned by our parents, the education system and society to be a “good little boy/girl”.

To not bash against the walls too much, to avoid causing a ruckus and to fit nicely within what traditional society expects of us.

And in doing so, something horrible happened: we got stripped from our true essence.

We were tamed into a weaker, milder version of ourselves.

We got turned into a mere shell of who we are meant to be.

Now of course, I’m grateful for my parents/teachers for passing on great values to me while helping me become high-functioning person…

But let’s be honest here: there are SO MANY situations, from the most mundane to the most pivotal, where social conditioning stops us saying, doing and being what we really want.

I do it all the time myself…

I say what’s politically correct instead of what’s on my heart.

I do what’s polite instead of being spontaneous and free.

I choose to “play nice” instead of giving sharp feedback.

And now I realize how stupid that actually is.

Because when we do that… we compromise all areas of our life, from our relationships, to our work, our sex life and our lifestyle.

And that is one of the greatest tragedies of the human experience.

I’m not saying to be a sociopath and totally ignore social norms. Of course not. We should be mindful of others and have loving intentions.

But we absolutely SHOULD NOT repress the beautiful, unique, sacred being we are.

Even writing this post right now, I can feel myself wanting to dilute my message so I don’t upset anyone!

Well you know what? Fuck that.

I don’t want to be some middle of the road, plain vanilla “nice” guy.

I want to be me.

I want to be a force of nature.

Actually, I AM a fucking force of nature.

And above all, I want to be a force for LOVE.

But love isn’t all about playing nice, being polite and avoiding conflict.

Pure, unaltered love can sometimes be tough, challenging and contrarian.

It can come in the form of radical self-expression, vulnerability and spontaneity.

It’s a natural, primal, beautiful thing. And it shouldn’t be conditioned out of us.

Now I’m curious. What do you think? Where do you notice this phenomenon playing out? What are you doing to untangle your conditioning and liberate your primal self?

Comment below. Let’s have a conversation about it.

Because I don’t know about you, but I’m committed to stopping this madness.

I have way too much to offer to the world to repress it, turn it down and dilute it.

And I believe you do too.

So let’s be weird, let’s be crazy, and let’s have some fun making epic shit happen.

Much love,


PS If you’re feeling called towards Ayahuasca, I believe it’s a wonderful tool. But you have to be ready. It’s an effective medicine but it’s not gentle. It will push you physically, mentally and emotionally. Oh, and it’s SO worth it.

"PS. Ever feel overwhelmed when trying to reach your goals? Watch my TEDx talk to learn how to stop slowly killing yourself while accomplishing more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M9i3-QhWzg&t=565s"
Posted on : 28, Mar 2014


  • Whoa there Phil, going all out. I get what you mean though. I sometimes have these periods of negative energy – bitter resentment towards people and society. I look at them and see nothing but superficiality and emptiness. People merely existing. I have this strong urge to be different and rise above the norm to release my full potential. But then I fall back into my old self and then realize that I have to take it slowly, day by day. Getting all emotional and motivated doesn’t last long. As they say, success is a habit, not an act.

  • I couldn’t agree more Phil, and in so many ways…

    I would even add to that, that you just hit the tip of an amazing iceberg. We could talk about this for days and weeks.

    Social conventions, school system and their grades, free market, politics, etc…

    Ok, we need some kind of governing structure, we need some kind of reference, these are obviously not necessarily evil.

    I believe there is good in everything we rely on these days. And what we rely on was built by people that originally dedicated themselves to the better of mankind. Let’s think about the real founders of our society and the advancement of mankind, and we will realize that what we built, we built on a good ground, originally.

    Now the question is, what have we made of it? Did we do justice to our founders along the way ? That’s quite another question.

    There wouldn’t be so many wars (including civil wars, particularly – showing that those who govern don’t have the slightest idea of the real needs of the people they govern), we wouldn’t have near poisonous industrial foods widespread (has anyone just taken the time to read on the real effects of gluten and corn syrup ? They are public enemies, yet you find that in the majority of processed foods). We woulndn’t get all these problems about coexisting with mother earth, and so on and so on.

    Somehow, the world needs forces of nature that are conscious of themselves and the world THEY feel responsible about, and that take action based on this actual state of consciousness. In fact we all are forces of natures, but too many times, we act like lions led to believe they are sheep.

    I personally work on customer service and I can tell you that even in that domain where you need to say things nicely and blabla, my customers are quite thankful when I say things how I think and feel them, not in the empty canny way that the upper management want me to use. If a product is not good, and they need something else, I will tell them. I will let know my management, they will change the product, and replace it with a good one – end of story.

    If I love someone, I tell it. I don’t care about judgement or anything. The older you get, the more you get to understand that in the end, that’s all what matters. Well, if you grow in wisdom.

    It stands true for so many other things. Of course, now some people will probably point out that the danger when you start thinking like that, is to get into the trap of againstness. But then again, you don’t need to be against anything or anyone to think like that. You just think the way you think, because it makes sense, you are genuine because it’s the only way things will start to work correctly. And if something doesn’t make sense and you see it, you raise the flag, you change it. That’s it, that’s all.

    Eventually you look behind and you realize that the trail you left was one of true lasting change for the better, for everyone. My customers are thankful when I say things right. Especially when I think they took a bad technological decision and they should rethink their setup from scratch.

    Sometimes what I say to my wife can feel a bit hard, but then she understands that my true intentions were completely loving, and that I had a point. She does the same with me. We got along for more than 10 years this way. Is it easy and all, no, it’s challenging. But evolution is all about challenge.

    I don’t want to live with a barbie that wants to look and play nice, and my wife doesn’t want to live with an equivalent Ken either. I am genuine and she is. Same for my friends, and so on.

    BTW speaking of which, petitions are pretty powerful nowadays with web 2.0. I receive tons of mail that confirm that hey, I just contributed to change something crucial – just by raising my voice and saying: no, no, NO! – there are other ways to do this.

    Organizations such as change.org or avaaz.org are all about people that want to reforge social conventions to fair and sound conventions. It’s important that we do our part, and I find these tools a great way to do so.

    Farewell ! And all the best.

  • Hey Phil,

    So did you see any kick ass visions? I’ve heard a lot about this drug on the Rogan Podcast. Any more insights into your trip would be great.


  • Well, children need their parents, but if anything is disabling them from developing into being fully themselves, it’s the education system.

  • Dude, I have been researching about DMT for the past 3 years to get prepare for the experience. would love to know where you experienced that.

  • So what’s different now? How are you going to embody your beautiful unique, sacredness? What happens next? Or is it already happening?

    Thanks for sharing!

  • Phil, where’s your response.
    I have to say, I had the exact same realizations after a 10 day silent meditation program I did last fall. But as someone else mentioned above, how the F do you stay focused after that. How do you avoid falling back into your usual patterns. I think I lasted for about 2 months before going “unconscious” again.


    • Melissa, I’ve had the same feeling after meditating and doing very calm, introspective yoga over a long and sustained period of time, especially when I’ve been away from home and all the usual distractions that prevent clarity in your mind. The last time I even hated coming home, because it seemed to stand for everything I had recently decided I didn’t want! But, even so, the old habits gradually sneak back in, and I started to feel more stressed and scared about changing my life, because it won’t be as secure in terms of work and money etc (which I wasn’t worried about in the slightest when I was away!). But I guess that’s what this site is about – keeping on doing the things you KNOW are good for you, even if they are not the easy things to do (e.g. meditating rather than hitting snooze) and trying to stop those layers building back up around your true self, which you realised after meditation. And building up the courage and self-belief to take risks and be different to prevent slipping back into the normal habits that we know hold us back. I believe that regular retreats have huge benefits, and I’ve found that this feeling that you mentioned gets stronger with each one I do, and makes a marked shift within me – it’s a gradual process, but one that I do feel happening, especially when I look back and reflect. Also, 2 solid months of feeling in touch with your true self is pretty impressive – it is a lot to ask for ten days’ ‘work’ to totally unravel a lifetime’s worth of conditioning, some of which we’re probably not even aware of yet. I guess it’s a constant process of learning to be aware of ourselves. I do have my doubts that I will reach the level of awareness I desire if I remain living in London…it’s hard. But I know it’s worth trying.

      PS. Phil, great article. My first visit to your site and I love it, thanks :)

  • Hey Phil,

    I completely agree with our domestication. Just like pets are rewarded when they do what we want and punished when they don’t.

    You said you did the ceremony with a Columbian shaman? Did you do the actual ceremoney in Columbia also?

    It is definitely something I am considering after hearing about it JRE and London Real.

  • Yes the here and now is all we need.It really is a simple state of being but must be constantly practiced as a form of meditation in order to be maintained. It is a life work. There comes joy and happiness in its continual acknowledgement. It is the best kind of mind exercise. Love from Janet

So, what do you think?