5 months ago, I was on the verge of burning myself out. I was exhausted from pushing myself so damn hard every day.
One day, my brothers Ben Williamson and Jordan Grey came to my house. After chatting for a few minutes, they told me I looked like I could use a day off work.
I thought… “Are you crazy? I can’t take a day off. I gotta hustle, man. I gotta work. I gotta keep pushing”.
Thank God, they didn’t accept my bullshit at face value. Instead, they asked me a beautifully simple question that changed my life…
“Why? Why do you have to keep working all the time?”
I had no answer. I had never stopped to think about it, so I relented and took a Friday off. That day started a chain reaction I could NEVER have predicted.
I spent my free time reading the book Conversations with God and the veil of illusion started to fall.
I realized something so profound, so humbling… yet so needed in that moment.
I became clear that for most of my life, I didn’t truly love myself.
Much of my motivation to succeed came from a place of fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of failing. Fear of not being loved.
How much I loved and respected myself constantly fluctuated based on my achievements in swimming, school and business…and based on whether other people liked me or not.
When I was kicking ass and receiving praise, I loved myself and thought I was awesome. But when I was struggling, I felt shitty about myself and quickly lost my confidence.
Can you relate to that?
This lead me to work ridiculously hard because I knew if I didn’t succeed, I would feel terrible. I wanted to avoid that at all costs. I HAD to succeed. My happiness literally depended on it.
This went on for years and years.
But on that fateful Friday, for the first time in my life, I started to consider the radical notion that I could love myself UNCONDITIONALLY.
That I could love myself no matter if I succeeded or came up short… and no matter if other people thought I was a champ or a chump.
I started to realize that just by being a human being, I was lovable.
I didn’t need to do anything. My very existence was a miracle.
And that was enough.
As Margo Anand wrote, “Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.”
A few weeks later, my brother Danny Grewald lead me to an incredible process in our Men’s Group. I don’t even remember the experience (I’m pretty sure I had some sort of blackout moment).
But through this process, it all clicked for me.
Self-love is not something we have to learn or figure out. It’s our natural state.
Before all the conditioning, before all the heartache, before all the bullshit.
And getting back to that place doesn’t have to be hard. We just have to remember who we were as little kids.
Pure love. Pure energy. Pure self-acceptance.
When I realized that, I started laughing. For like 5 minutes straight. I just couldn’t stop laughing.
I was letting go of YEARS of pressure, psychosis and self-inflicted suffering.
And since then, things have been better than ever. I feel more relaxed, more playful, more present. I have more fun than I’ve ever had pursuing my dreams. And surprisingly enough… I’ve had more success than ever before.
If you could relate to any of this, I invite you to really look within and see what drives you.
Do you pursue your dreams and goals because you’re excited about the possibilities, because you want to serve others and honour your mission?
Or do you do it because you want to prove to yourself and others that you are worthy of love?
Please be honest with yourself. This is an extremely important question.
And the answer…it changes everything.
Much unconditional love my friend,