Posted in: Happiness, Personal Mastery
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5 Mind Tricks to Care Less About What Others Think of You

*This is a guest post by Alden Tan. He is a rockstar blogger who’s also a breakdancer. He quit his job to follow his dream of being a writer. Right now, he blogs about personal development, inspiration and passion on the real! And he does it all with style by not caring about what others think.*

I’ve been a Bboy for about 10 years now, and yet I did not take part in many competitions or performed much, because I was afraid I would mess up on stage.

I didn’t want people to think, “What’s this guy doing on stage?” or, “He’s been at it for so many years and yet this is all he could do?”.

Sometimes caring about what others think seeped into my social life too. I held back on voicing my opinion on matters I disagreed with as I didn’t want my friends to think I was petty.

I didn’t want my friends to think, “Why does he have to be such a pain?”

I ended up feeling upset with myself, angry that things didn’t get to go my way. And I always look back in regret.

I felt I wasn’t me anymore.

Does this sound like you?

We care too much about the way people look at us

What others think of us and how they see us has somehow become an integral part of our lives. Society has set certain standards in the way we live and think. There are “rules” we “need” to adhere to.

If we don’t follow suit, we become different.

Now, different isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but because of our own insecurities (and how our imaginative powers), different can mean looking like an idiot, a loser, a wet blanket, a weirdo or even a rebel.

And the saddest part is a lot of people have accepted that as a way of life, that instead of pushing ourselves to get what we want in life, we should live an unfulfilling life of mediocrity just so we can look “good” in front of others.

Strange  isn’t it? Our very own thoughts can hold us back from what we want to do.

But the thoughts of the thoughts of others can hold us back even more!

Here are some mind tricks, or things you should be thinking about to get over thinking about what others think of you.

How to care less about what others think of you

1) Realize that life is short

Let me share with you a story.

On June 11th 2006, when I was only 20, my dad passed away. That day changed me forever.

One of my biggest takeaways was that life is too short and I needed to care for myself more than anything.

Why? Because before my dad died, I was always doing the “right” things, like not arguing with friends, walking away from fights or not doing the things I love.

I never stood up for myself. I cared about the image I had to portray to others.

The impact of my dad’s passing hit me so hard that I just kept thinking, “I was just trying to be a good guy, yet someone so important to me was taken away from me. This is crazy!”

I realized life is short.

Before anything crazy happened again, I knew I had to do what I love. Who cares about what others thought of me?

But you don’t have to go through what I did to realize that life is too short to care about what others think.

You have everything in your power, right here today, to do whatever you want. Don’t hold back by caring about what others think. Don’t grow up in this short life only to look back in regret, constantly asking “why?” or “what if?”.

And you’ll be asking those questions a lot, when you discover others’ thoughts of you ultimately don’t matter at all.

2) People are very flawed too

They are. In fact, we’re all.

I had to say, “too” because when we keep caring about what others think of us, we actually forget that everyone makes mistakes.

Worse, we actually amplify our own shortcomings, as if we’re so screwed up that there’s nothing great about us.

Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?

The same people you think are judging you are not perfect. They’re human too. Their perception of you is far from correct.

And they probably worry about what others think of them too.

That being said, don’t forget how much potential you actually have! If you can just try to block out the noise in your head, stop worrying about what others think and apply yourself, there’s no telling how far you can go.

3) People don’t really care about you

They don’t.

When we get paranoid or start to think about what others think of us, we tend to think that that’s what people like to do.

That is to say, people like to spend all their time making judgements and coming up with opinions on you.

Again, ridiculous.

All of us definitely interact with one another and have our own actions affected by people, but we don’t base our entire lives around others.

We always move on, to our own lives.

If someone is obsessed about thinking about you, talking about you and out to bring you down all the time, then that person has his own insecurities, a problem that isn’t yours.

Don’t psyche yourself into thinking that others care that much about you.

Just know that they don’t, and when you realize that, you literally will be in a world where you’re free to do what you want.

4) Forceful mindfulness

It’s time to move forward and do what you love, no matter what.

Instead of worrying about what others think of you, be mindful of what’s happening in front of you. It’s also okay to take a step back to remember what your initial goal is. We tend to forget that when we keep worrying about everything and anything.

People like to advocate taking things step by step. That’s cool, but how about taking it step by step in your mind?

Remember what your goal is, and keep reminding yourself of that.

Fight back what others may be thinking of you with your own rational thoughts.

Add in a mantra and an affirmation or two. A good one can be something like, “What others may be thinking of me now is not my truth. The only truth is what I think of myself and what I want in life!”

And you’re good to go.

5) Embrace uncertainty and don’t be afraid to make mistakes

This is a new trick I’m learning myself.

Embrace uncertainty.

Accept that the future is scary, yet can bring you unexpected goodness in your life.

It may be hard to go for what you want because of what others think of you. You aren’t clear of what’s going on and you’re afraid to make mistakes.

That ironically, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, to care so much about what others think that you end up living out their thoughts.

Just go with it and do what you want. Make all the mistakes you can.

As it goes along, it becomes a lot easier as you gain experience.

Pretty soon you’ll realize what others think of you is an extremely minor thing in the grand scheme of things, which is your life.

***

Hey Feel Good Lifestyle readers!

Wanna know how I got so good at not caring about what others think?

It’s all in this free email course I created to help you guys block out the noise. Over 2,000 people have gone through it! Learn how to:

-Gain the confidence to do what you love only

-Get rid of shyness once and for all

-Get a manifesto of 50 things you can tell yourself to stop caring about what others think!

This course is available through this link to Alden-Tan. Get it now!

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"PS. Ever feel overwhelmed when trying to reach your goals? Watch my TEDx talk to learn how to stop slowly killing yourself while accomplishing more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M9i3-QhWzg&t=565s"
Posted on : 11, Oct 2012

21 Comments

  • NOW THATS SOME RAW INFO ,AND GREATLY APPRECIATED.

    • Strange I thought I replied you long ago.

      Thanks! And you’re welcome!

  • Ever stop to think that if we spend so much time worrying about what others think of us, there must surely be other people doing the same…? I’m convinced that we’re mostly all too busy worrying what others are thinking about us to actually waste time thinking judgmental thoughts about others.

    Realizing how little I think about others because I’m too busy being harsh on myself lets me lighten up… Nobody actually cares what I do or if I look silly doing it! I’m free to have fun! & the more fun I’m having, the less time I spend worrying.

    Lighten & loosen up people :) It’s all good!

  • Great info.

    The biggest part is fighting through the urge to not do something because other people won’t approve.

    One of the best favorite examples is if someone comes up to you and tells you that you’re name is something else. Obviously you know what you’re name is, and if someone tries to convince you that you’re name is different..well..they’re full of it, or naive..or both.

    The same thing applies for caring about what other people think. If you really want to do something, just do it..and shrug off the people who try to convince you otherwise. And laugh about it :)

  • Great post Alden. Love your stuff. :)

  • A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment. I do think that you need to write more about this subject, it might not be a taboo subject but usually people don’t discuss these topics. To the next! All the best!!

  • I’m very pleased to uncover this website. I want to to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it and i also have you saved to fav to look at new information on your site.

  • Keep working ,terrific job!

  • I appreciate, result in I discovered just what I was trying to find. You’ve ended my 4 day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Possess a good day. Bye

  • THIS. THIS is what everyone needs to read.

  • Thank you Max for such a good example, got it! Just like we know our name, if we know ourselves well, it won’t matter what others think of us.

    Thank you Alden as well. I just got a great Aha! Moment as I was reading your blog. Keep on the great work.

  • Amazing blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you advise starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely confused .. Any tips? Appreciate it!

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  • Tremendous! M so doin aal of if…..screw what others think of me, right Alden?

  • Great post, man. Really made me think about HOW I think. It’s easy to forget others make mistakes when you’re too busy worrying over your own. Thanks for the advice.

  • Real cool article.

    I like #3 and #5 the most. Especially after reading other success books from Dale Carnegie on relating to people and Dan Kennedy on creating sales.

    People really don’t give a (Insert your own word here) about you. until they know what you can do for them. If it becomes mutually beneficial then you can grow from there but until then they just don’t care.

    Great article.

  • Hey! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyways, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be
    bookmarking and checking back often!

  • Thsnk you my mom worried about what other thought of her and so did i

  • Very enlightening and freeing. Using this post as a stepping stone – ready to start living without chains!

  • great read! appreciate this brief and concise article

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