*This is a guest post by Alden Tan. He is a rockstar blogger who’s also a breakdancer. He quit his job to follow his dream of being a writer. Right now, he blogs about personal development, inspiration and passion on the real! And he does it all with style by not caring about what others think.*
I’ve been a Bboy for about 10 years now, and yet I did not take part in many competitions or performed much, because I was afraid I would mess up on stage.
I didn’t want people to think, “What’s this guy doing on stage?” or, “He’s been at it for so many years and yet this is all he could do?”.
Sometimes caring about what others think seeped into my social life too. I held back on voicing my opinion on matters I disagreed with as I didn’t want my friends to think I was petty.
I didn’t want my friends to think, “Why does he have to be such a pain?”
I ended up feeling upset with myself, angry that things didn’t get to go my way. And I always look back in regret.
I felt I wasn’t me anymore.
Does this sound like you?
We care too much about the way people look at us
What others think of us and how they see us has somehow become an integral part of our lives. Society has set certain standards in the way we live and think. There are “rules” we “need” to adhere to.
Now, different isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but because of our own insecurities (and how our imaginative powers), different can mean looking like an idiot, a loser, a wet blanket, a weirdo or even a rebel.
And the saddest part is a lot of people have accepted that as a way of life, that instead of pushing ourselves to get what we want in life, we should live an unfulfilling life of mediocrity just so we can look “good” in front of others.
Strange isn’t it? Our very own thoughts can hold us back from what we want to do.
But the thoughts of the thoughts of others can hold us back even more!
Here are some mind tricks, or things you should be thinking about to get over thinking about what others think of you.
How to care less about what others think of you
1) Realize that life is short
Let me share with you a story.
On June 11th 2006, when I was only 20, my dad passed away. That day changed me forever.
One of my biggest takeaways was that life is too short and I needed to care for myself more than anything.
Why? Because before my dad died, I was always doing the “right” things, like not arguing with friends, walking away from fights or not doing the things I love.
I never stood up for myself. I cared about the image I had to portray to others.
The impact of my dad’s passing hit me so hard that I just kept thinking, “I was just trying to be a good guy, yet someone so important to me was taken away from me. This is crazy!”
I realized life is short.
Before anything crazy happened again, I knew I had to do what I love. Who cares about what others thought of me?
But you don’t have to go through what I did to realize that life is too short to care about what others think.
You have everything in your power, right here today, to do whatever you want. Don’t hold back by caring about what others think. Don’t grow up in this short life only to look back in regret, constantly asking “why?” or “what if?”.
And you’ll be asking those questions a lot, when you discover others’ thoughts of you ultimately don’t matter at all.
2) People are very flawed too
They are. In fact, we’re all.
I had to say, “too” because when we keep caring about what others think of us, we actually forget that everyone makes mistakes.
Worse, we actually amplify our own shortcomings, as if we’re so screwed up that there’s nothing great about us.
Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?
The same people you think are judging you are not perfect. They’re human too. Their perception of you is far from correct.
And they probably worry about what others think of them too.
That being said, don’t forget how much potential you actually have! If you can just try to block out the noise in your head, stop worrying about what others think and apply yourself, there’s no telling how far you can go.
3) People don’t really care about you
When we get paranoid or start to think about what others think of us, we tend to think that that’s what people like to do.
That is to say, people like to spend all their time making judgements and coming up with opinions on you.
We always move on, to our own lives.
If someone is obsessed about thinking about you, talking about you and out to bring you down all the time, then that person has his own insecurities, a problem that isn’t yours.
Don’t psyche yourself into thinking that others care that much about you.
Just know that they don’t, and when you realize that, you literally will be in a world where you’re free to do what you want.
4) Forceful mindfulness
It’s time to move forward and do what you love, no matter what.
Instead of worrying about what others think of you, be mindful of what’s happening in front of you. It’s also okay to take a step back to remember what your initial goal is. We tend to forget that when we keep worrying about everything and anything.
People like to advocate taking things step by step. That’s cool, but how about taking it step by step in your mind?
Remember what your goal is, and keep reminding yourself of that.
Fight back what others may be thinking of you with your own rational thoughts.
Add in a mantra and an affirmation or two. A good one can be something like, “What others may be thinking of me now is not my truth. The only truth is what I think of myself and what I want in life!”
And you’re good to go.
5) Embrace uncertainty and don’t be afraid to make mistakes
This is a new trick I’m learning myself.
Accept that the future is scary, yet can bring you unexpected goodness in your life.
It may be hard to go for what you want because of what others think of you. You aren’t clear of what’s going on and you’re afraid to make mistakes.
That ironically, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, to care so much about what others think that you end up living out their thoughts.
Just go with it and do what you want. Make all the mistakes you can.
As it goes along, it becomes a lot easier as you gain experience.
Pretty soon you’ll realize what others think of you is an extremely minor thing in the grand scheme of things, which is your life.
Hey Feel Good Lifestyle readers!
Wanna know how I got so good at not caring about what others think?
It’s all in this free email course I created to help you guys block out the noise. Over 2,000 people have gone through it! Learn how to:
-Gain the confidence to do what you love only
-Get rid of shyness once and for all
-Get a manifesto of 50 things you can tell yourself to stop caring about what others think!
This course is available through this link to Alden-Tan. Get it now!